The Boob Hangs Out....Breastfeeding In Public

A day in the life of my "public" boobie baby...


Here I am feeding my little guy while getting my hair done.  Yes, I put him at risk of hair dye falling on his leg but at least he can still have a snack when he is hungry. You see, to him he is not "breastfeeding in public" he is simply EATING!

 

 Here I am feeding him at the shops later that day (darker hair! I get bored)...

 












 Of course now that he is six months old and very interested in the incredible world of people doing their shopping, he must pop off at various times throughout the feed to see what is going on.  It is very important to him that he does not miss A THING.  He MUST look at that woman over there with the two shopping bags walking past that amazing looking shop...

Here is my last "public" breastfeeding for the day at the supermarket.  Thankfully not a "selfie" as I ran into a friend who could take the pic! 

I remember when I was asked to leave a bagel shop in America when I was breastfeeding my middle child. He was one week old at the time.  The man said, "we have a bathroom down the hall."  I looked at him totally confused..."pardon?" I said.  Again he said, "we have a bathroom down the hall."  It then clicked in my mind.  My only response that I could think of at the time was, "so if I was feeding him a bottle that would be OK?" and he said, "yes."  GGGRRRR!  If only I had been more energetic and awake to think of something creative to say, but I was not energetic and I was barely awake and I was a hormonal new mum.  We stood up and immediately left the shop.  Now another baby later I am prepared if this ever happens again to me. I have a little speech in my mind! I have practiced! Please someone tell me to stop breastfeeding in public so I can say this amazing speech!  

I have realized now that this whole "public breastfeeding" thing should not even be a topic.  The fact that I even have to write about this is absurd!  I was born with breasts to feed my baby.  YOU (bagel shop man) have sexualized my breasts.  YOU have the problem with it. It's not MY issue.  My breasts are not for YOUR sexual discomfort or sexual viewing pleasure. 

What can we do as breastfeeding mums?  It's simple.  Let your boob hang out and breastfeed your baby everywhere you go.  No matter who is watching.  I even breastfeed infront of my father-in-law.  I also breastfed infront of my late grandfather.  I also breastfeed infront of my father and step father.  I do this because my baby is hungry and because (as mentioned before) my breasts are here on my chest for the sole purpose of feeding my baby!   

What can you do as a non-breastfeeding person?  Go up to that breastfeeding woman and congratulate her for feeding her baby wherever she is.  She is making it easier for other breastfeeding mums to do the same.


Breastfeeding in public, not weird, not brave, not sexual, just boringly (is that a word?) normal! And awesome!

For more on breastfeeding in public, click on the following link for my post on the Bribie Island Nurse-In...

When Breastfeeding in Public Makes National News!

Boobie baby turned boobie toddler monster: Tips for the mum of a breastfeeding toddler

I did not look at my newborn baby boy and think, "wow! He is so cute I think I want to breastfeed him until he is three when he can eat a cracker, hold a cricket bat and breastfeed at the same time!" 


Here is a picture of my middle boy at the age of 2 playing cricket.  And yes he was still breastfeeding! Play a little cricket, have a little snack....

Breastfeeding to natural term (which often means into toddlerhood) just happens.  It happens for many reasons.  Some people consciously feel as though they want to feed their babies until they decide to stop.  For others it just happens without them even realizing it.  When you are breastfeeding a three year old they do not look like a huge three year old. To the breastfeeding mum they look little and cute.  

 "Boobie! Boobie!"  Many of us toddler breastfeeding mums know that some people cringe a bit when they hear our toddlers  gleefully yelling out "boobie!!"  We also see the stares and hear the occasional gasps when people also see them run up, lift our shirts up and then happily latch on while holding an apple in their little hands.  Although many people are shocked, it is actually very normal throughout much of the world for children to breastfeed into toddlerhood. We just don't see it out in public much.  Mostly because toddlers get very distracted and do most of their breastfeeding at home. Many of them also LOVE to breastfeed at night.  Now here is one of the biggest challenges of toddler breastfeeding and a question I get often...how do I get my toddler to stop breastfeeding so much at night?! I need my boobs back!  Here are some tips you might find helpful when breastfeeding a toddler...

1.  Remember that this is a relationship.  It is not only about your toddler and their needs. It is also about your needs and your own personal boundaries which might change over the months or years of your breastfeeding time together.  Let's be honest, it's not all fun and games breastfeeding a toddler!  At times it is wonderful, other times we want to throw the towel in and lock up our boobs.  Is there such a thing as a bra with padlocks?  Remind yourself that it's not all about them.  It's about you too. 

2. It does not have to be "all or nothing" with breastfeeding.  Even though the word "WEAN" might be playing in our minds, it's important to figure out what is making it hard for you.  If they are frequent night nursers then try to limit how often they feed at night.  If they breastfeed too often during the day then try some distracting tricks when they are awake.  You might find that you are happy to continue to breastfeed if you just drop a few of the feeds.

3.  If you have a partner available it might be time to get some help from them.  Partners are great for cuddling them and distracting them.  At night they can be helpful in trying to get them back to sleep instead of you feeding them back to sleep. 

4. For the night time boobie monster:  it's all about negotiating!  This is a skill that comes in handy when night weaning.  For my middle boy I would say, "no boobie until the sun comes up!"  He was old enough that he understood the sun and how there was dark and light.  It took a few weeks but he got it! At times he would wake up at 2am in the pitch darkness and say, "sun up?" My husband or I would explain that no, it is as dark as anything outside and he would go back to sleep.  Eventually he stopped doing that and would sleep through until the first tiny little ray of sunshine came through! It was like he had magical powers that could sense the light before it even appeared...

5.  Try the "counting" trick.  This involves telling your toddler that they can breastfeed until you count to ten (or twenty or thirty etc.) and then they have to stop.  This can work quite well for people who are happy to breastfeed but not for a half an hour.

6. Let your boobie toddler monster know that they can breastfeed to sleep but not if they are awake.  Of course you might fall into the same situation my friend did with this one.  Her son was almost weaned but still breastfed during the day once for his nap.  One day he came up to her to breastfeed and shook his head yes when she asked if he was ready for a nap.  She sat down with him.  He breastfed for one whole hour (awake!) hopped up afterwards and said, "all done!" and walk out of the room.  My friend said to me, "I have never felt so used by a man in my whole life!"  So although this didn't work for her it does work for some!


7. Do not sit down where you normally breastfeed.  Sounds simple but works!  The second I sat down at the computer with my middle boy, he would hop up on my lap and want to breastfeed. By just avoiding that chair he would not breastfeed as often.

8. Offer a snack and a cuddle instead.  Sometimes this will work as it is a distraction.  Often times they are happy to receive attention through a hug or reading a book with a snack rather than breastfeed.

The most important thing to remember about these little boobie toddler mosters is that your patience is what will make it go as smoothly as possible.  Gentle weaning takes time and patience.  There will be one step forward and two steps back some days yet eventually they will wean.  You can meet the needs of your toddler and yourself, it just takes some creativity, patience and time.

Head over to La Leche League International's webpage to have a look at the following article on weaning your toddler...

https://www.llli.org/faq/weantoddler.html 

 

Sleep? What's That? I think it's something I may have partaken in many years ago...

Here I am upon waking.  Notice the swollen eye lids...the one eye that cannot open due to sleep deprivation....the bird's nest hair...the cranky look on my sleepy face.












Now have a look at my baby.

Notice the bright blue eyes...the smiling happy face...the content look as if to say, "yay! It's morning and I'm so happy to be awake!"



Didn't we have the same experience last night?  Didn't we both wake up four times? Didn't he feel hungry for each of those four times before he woke up? How is it that he can be so AWAKE and happy in the morning?  It is one of the great mysteries of life.....



OK, I know I just did a topic on sleep but honestly, it's something I think about a lot. Because I miss it and I dream about what it's like to get a sleep chunk longer then two or three hours.  The truth is, I hate this topic. Why are we so obsessed with sleep?  Why must people always ask us how our babies are sleeping?! If I never have to utter the word "sleep" again I'll be a content mother.

I would get even more frustrated when random strangers would ask me how my baby was sleeping.  That question is not helpful to a new mother!  It is also not helpful to ask a mother of a breastfeeding toddler who feeds ten times a night.  Why do we sit around mother's groups comparing sleep patterns with each other? I find myself doing this at times and have to snap myself out of this hypnosis type coma state I go into when we all get into a tizzy of "sleep talk."  Oh the misery.

Babies are not supposed to sleep through the night.  They are literally not physically made for it.  When they are born their stomachs are the size of marbles.  They need to eat frequently because breastmilk is so utterly perfect for them and their digestive systems, it goes in and it goes out and they get hungry again. Babies breastfeed for many different reasons as well as hunger, one of which is comfort.  Babies fed artificial breastmilk sleep longer because it is so difficult for them to digest, is hard on their digestive systems and it sits in there like a little brick.  It's no wonder they sleep so long, they are abnormally full and their little bodies are trying to digest this artificial substance.

Just be comforted in the fact that babies (and toddlers) are actually not meant to sleep for long periods of time and we really need to change our way of thinking.  Just think of how often you wake up... to get a drink, roll over, get an extra blanket, kick the blankets off etc. etc. If we can just accept that this is the reality, that we will not be getting our eight straight hours for quite awhile and this is normal we would be much happier. I wouldn't have had three kids if it's like this forever. Or am I just a glutton got punishment?!



Here is one of my all time favorite photos of mine which very clearly exhibits the utter exhaustion that mums experience at times.  It was taken eight years ago and is my eldest boy and I after what appears to have been a very long tiring night! Let us all support one another through this and not get stuck on "whose baby is sleeping through the night."  We are all in this together.

*There is no judgment here, there are many different reasons some mums feed their babies artificial breastmilk.  The World Health Organization recommends the following for babies if their mother cannot breastfeed.  The order is in preference from most preferred to least preferred;  breastmilk from the mother that is freshly expressed, mother's breastmilk that has been refrigerated, mother's breastmilk that has been frozen and defrosted (not in a microwave), donated breastmilk from another mother, banked donor milk, artificial breastmilk.  There are many options out there before artificial breastmilk.  Please contact me if you are considering artificial breastmilk but would like to continue breastfeeding if possible.*


For more posts on sleep (or lack there of!) click on the links below...

Breastfeeding Through the Night



Breastfeeding Your Baby to Sleep

Forget the cereal, have a chunk of kangaroo!

This is my little cutie eating a piece of apple at six months old.  Well, not exactly eating it but he did manage to hold it and suck on it for awhile.  Where is the spoon and rice cereal? Where is my hand shovelling the gruel into his mouth? Baby led weaning (BLW) is a term some of you might be familiar with.  It is the idea that babies are very capable of eating things on their own (this becomes very obvious when they start to reach for things and put them in their mouths). It actually might make more sense for them to eat pieces of food themselves and explore it themselves rather than us shovelling things into them without even knowing if it's what they want!


With our first boy (poor first born children really are experiments aren't they?) we did what most everyone did in the States, we fed him baby food out of a jar.  And guess what? He hated it!  He absolutely hated it.  We of course tried everything, doing the "airplane" and trying to get him excited about it by laughing and smiling ourselves looking like total idiots attempting to get a bit of food into his little mouth.  Why did we do this to him?! Looking back it seems crazy now but that's just what you do as a new parent.  After a few attempts at getting him to eat mushy peas, I finally gave up and didn't try again until he was nine months old.  I just continued to breastfeed him and he was as happy as could be. At nine months he was ready for food and happily ate it.

For our middle child I actually can't really remember what we did.  Is this how "middle child syndrome" starts?  As soon as the middle child realizes that their parents do not remember anything about their childhood because they were in the middle and it's a total blur to them?  Mother guilt! Mother guilt!

Anyway, now with our youngest we have started doing baby led weaning and I have to tell you it's not only EASY, EASY, EASY but it makes SO much sense!  No baby blenders! No freezing little bits of mashed up food in an ice cube tray! We literally just give him a piece of food off our plate (not a piece of brie cheese on a cracker with chutney of course) but something simple like a veggie or piece of fruit.  We put it on his tray and watch with amusement as he tried to pick it up and suck on it.  It's way more fun than watching TV and entertains our eldest boys for at least ten minutes which is pretty much a record for them.

Some common concerns some parents might have about BLW:


My baby will choke!!  Actually, babies have an amazing gag reflex.  They are unlikely to choke on a piece of food because of this but would I leave my baby by themselves with a piece of meat to munch on? No! Stay with your baby while they eat.

My baby is so skinny/ so chunky, they NEED lots of food!!  Virtually every organization around the world including the World Health Organization recommends exclusive breastfeeding (so breastmilk only) for the first six months. Some babies are chunky and others are skinny, just as adults are all different shapes and sizes (not only because some people eat fries and potato chips every day but because of genetics). Breastmilk has everything that a baby needs and has heaps more nutrients then a piece of fruit or rice cereal.

My baby is reaching for things off of my plate at four months so she is hungry!  If you put a piece of poop in front of your baby she will reach for it.  It's not because she is hungry for poop it is because this is how she is learning about the world around her.

Signs of readiness for food are; your baby can sit up, your baby can reach for something and put it into their mouth and your baby does not automatically push the food back out with their tongue.

There is an excellent book about BLW, appropriately called, "Baby Led Weaning."  It is written by Gill Rapley & Tracey Murkett.  I highly recommend it. 

 Here is a video of our little boy eating his first piece of food.  A marinated piece of kangaroo with fennel seeds.

Yum yum!!  Now go get a piece of cooked Kangaroo and put it in front of your six month old.  It's a fun little activity for your baby and entertaining to watch!


* OK- no joke this is what happened as I was writing this....I looked down and my baby had found a tomato from our garden on the floor. If this isn't BLW then I don't know what is*

The Nighttime Breastfeed (otherwise known as the huge right boob)

I woke up this morning looking as though I had received breast augmentation. On one side only.  Although this might sound like an undesirable outcome upon waking,  it actually means I was in such a state of sleepy bliss throughout the night breastfeeding my baby that I completely forgot which breast I was "supposed" to feed him on next.  I had slept on my left side happily breastfeeding him from one breast on and off for 12 hours.  This is the moment every breastfeeding mother dreams of.  The point when you are so out of it that you not only feed from only one breast the entire night but you have no idea how many times you actually woke up!  It is so unlike those first few months of nights filled with poopy nappies, sitting up while your head droops and lying as still as possible between breastfeeds so you don't wake the baby by accident.  It is possible to get through this and have a decent nights sleep! Here are some tips I have learned from my three nurslings and things I have heard from other mums to help you get more sleep through the night, while still managing to breastfeed your baby on demand...

1. Figure out if your baby sleeps better with you in your bed, or on their own in a bassinet next to your bed.  My eldest son LOVED to sleep right next to me, in our bed.  When I first had him I tried putting him in his bassinet. That lasted for about one night, until I realized the child would not sleep one wink unless he was in bed with my husband and I.  For my middle son we just automatically did the same thing.  The third time around we do a bit of both.  He starts in his bassinet next to my bed and then at some point in the night he ends up with us.  I actually thought something was wrong with him at first because he happily sleeps by himself most of the time!

2.  If your baby sleeps in a bassinet keep it right next to you.  This way you don't have to physically get out of bed to get your baby.  Just the little effort of getting up is too much at 2am!  My mother told me she used to get up every two hours, walk down the hall to my room, breastfeed me, change me, breastfeed me again and then put me back in my cot.  She did this every night for over a year! How did she do this and keep sane? I don't know! She is one strong woman.

3.   Ask your partner to change your baby so you have one less thing to do when you wake up.  Also, get a lambswool and lay it down on your bed.  You can sit up, put your baby on the lambswool, change them and lay back down and breastfeed without ever having to get up out of your bed!

4.   Go to bed when your baby goes to bed.  This is soooooo hard to do. I know.  We finally get our baby to sleep and it's freedom at last! We can sit without holding our baby! We can go to the toilet without our baby looking up at us from their bouncy seat on the floor! We can read a book or watch TV without getting spit up on! Oh the joy!  As nice as all of these things are, sleep is better. Trust me.


Sharing your bed with your baby is safe when following these important steps:

Never sleep with your baby if you have been drinking or doing drugs (I hope you knew this one already!)
Do not share your bed if you or your partner smoke
Keep blankets and pillows away from your babies head
Make sure your mattress is firm
Put your baby to sleep on their backs





Breastfeed! Breastfeeding is actually one of the protective factors against SIDS! If you are interested in this topic, check out the following LINK.




Click on the following links for my other posts on sleep (or lack there of!)


Sleep? What's That?




Breastfeeding Your Baby to Sleep...Bad Habit?

 

My baby is broken! Please fix him!

THE CRYING BABY

You have tried it all. Breastfeeding, rocking, pacing the halls, passing him back and forth, crying yourself, sitting, standing, tearing your hair out, and he is still crying!  What is a mum to do?  Us mothers have one fundamental question, "is my baby normal?" Is it normal for my baby to be cranky, to breastfeed constantly, to only sleep when I'm carrying him? etc. etc. etc.....and the reality is, yes! It is normal for your baby to be cranky at times for no apparent reason.  Does that make you feel better or worse?  :)  I remember my mum calling the hours in the later afternoon the "witching hour."  You know that time when you have your baby on your hip or in a sling while trying to make dinner, sweep up all the crumbs off the floor, put that last load of laundry on and try to get one piece of food in your mouth before you starve to death?

Before I had children I had all of these ideas as to what parenthood would be like. Remember before you had children? That distant past that seems blurry now due to your sleep deprivation?  Remember looking at those other parents as a young twenty year old thinking, "wow, when I'm a parent I will NEVER do that! How horrible!" and now you find yourself doing that same exact thing....this is what happens! No one imagines themselves looking at their baby thinking, "why are you so cranky?! I'm a horrible mother, I can't even settle my own baby!"  Yet, these are thoughts we all have from time to time. And it's normal.

Every month when I have my Boobies By the Beach group meet up (a breastfeeding group for mums to get together and chat about all things breastfeeding) almost every time there will be this wonderful moment when one mum will hear another mum's story and say, "my baby does that too! Oh good, it's normal!"  This is especially important for issues regarding normal breastfeeding behaviour, sleep and cranky babies.   Hearing that someone else has a baby that does the same thing as your baby creates an instant feeling of relief.

From my own experiences (and talking with many mums over the past nine years since having my first born, very high needs cranky baby) I have learned a thing or two about crankiness....there is light at the end of this long dark cranky tunnel!  One of my friends coined the term, "the circuit" as a way to describe what she did when her babies were upset.  The idea is that you keep going through the list until, voila! The baby will stop crying! You will then fall into a heap on the couch and cry yourself to sleep from happiness that your baby is finally content.

1. Breastfeed your baby.  I can't tell you how many times this one will work! Babies breastfeed for many different reasons besides hunger.  One of them being comfort. This is always my "go to" step.

2. Carry your baby. On your hip, in a sling, hanging like a star fish in a Baby Bjorn. However you want to do it! Just carry them. Many babies like to breastfeed while being walked around in a sling. One of my friends had to breastfeed her baby while walking. ALL THE TIME. It's amazing her legs didn't fall off.  Come to think of it, she looks extremely fit and healthy and this must be the reason why.  It's a great way to get some exercise!

2. Swaddle your baby. Now this is a popular one which many people will suggest. Just so you know, two out of three of my babies HATED being a burrito. So not every baby will like it.

3. Pass your baby onto your husband, partner, friend, neighbour, random stranger in the park (just kidding!)  so you can get a break. You will feel better knowing that although they are crying, at least they are being held.

4. Go for a walk outside with your baby.  Sometimes just a change in scenery is enough.

5. Get into the bath with your baby. You can also try breastfeeding in the bath. Some babies love it.

6. Back to step one!

and around and around it goes until eventually one of these steps will work! Of course if one of these just isn't feeling right for you or your baby then skip it. Also, add whatever else you can think of to the list and please add to the comments below so we can all share what has worked for us.

Even after having my third baby (who is now just six months old) I still think, "but I just breastfed you five minutes ago!" before putting them back on.  Yet I know that often babies will do this. They will pull off, get cranky, want to be walked around and then five minutes later get back on the breast and fall asleep happily. What is the deal!? Well, they have a biological need to be with their mums and breastfeed. ALOT. I think it's helpful to know that it's normal, and you'll get through this long dark cranky tunnel. 




*About half way through this blog post my little baby woke up after a tiny mini half hour nap (oh those dreaded nano naps!), I picked him up, took off his nappy and before I knew it he was peeing all over me.  I then had to strap him to my back and finish typing this while standing.  So I guess not being able to finish a post without the baby waking up, wanting to be held and peeing on me is normal as well....* 

For more information on how to tell your baby is getting enough milk and is not cranky because they are hungry, visit this page for my post on Milk Supply 

For more information on getting baby to nap longer, head over to my post on naps - Nap Time


*Some babies get cranky for serious reasons including; an allergy to something you are eating which is going through your milk, reflux and other various medical conditions or breastfeeding issues. Trust your instincts.  If you feel as though there is something serious going on then please contact me via email or phone or contact your GP.*

Website coming soon!

WEBSITE COMING SOON! I am currently working on my new blogspot in between breastfeeding my baby, chasing after my two older boys and occasionally sleeping! Please contact me on my email for breastfeeding help...  themilksunshinecoast@gmail.com     Meg